It is the last day before the boys go back to school following the easter break. The sun is streaming through the bathroom window and I can feel the warmth on the back of my legs.
If only everyday presented itself with sunshine then maybe we would start the day feeling happy and contented.
School holidays find me in a reflective mood because I am off the school and work treadmill if I want to start work at 11am and finish at 8pm I can, working for yourself has its pluses.
I am in a constant state of self analysis. I must/should work, I must read that book, I must try meditation. It’s exhausting because as soon as you come off that ‘dreadmill’ just for a second guilt strikes.
We put so much pressure on ourselves to seek ‘happiness’ when maybe we should be focussing on finding fulfilment.
Happiness is not long lasting and comes out of something pleasurable but short lived like sex, or that new pair of shoes you bought, that moment of happiness fills us with joy and excitement but it doesn’t last long.
The fact that we aren’t happy all the time makes us dissatisfied and I wonder if I have confused my pursuit of happiness over what is really important, human fulfilment and abundance.
‘If only’ are two words that seem to be synonymous with the way many of us live. If only I could afford that car, if only I could have that job, if only my boss was..
I, we, live in a perpetual state of wanting or needing something to satisfy the need for happiness. Is it happiness, contentment or fulfilment?
Whatever it is, it feels like something is missing.
We are brought up by societal held beliefs that if we work hard we will achieve happiness and satisfaction by owning that home, a car, have nice holidays and clothes all of which are a means to achieving security and contentment.
In stead we suffer with anxiety about loss of income and job insecurity with many of our fears really about the feeling of not having enough.
But enough of what?
We feel guilty because we believe or think we should or could have achieved so much more a successful career with great prospects, improved personal circumstances instead many of us have unused or unrecognised talents.
What we should really be asking ourselves is ‘what is important to me, what makes me fulfilled and what do I really want to do with my life?’
Anthony Robins writes “Many people are passionate, but because of their limiting beliefs about who they are and what they can do, they never take the actions that could make their dream a reality”.
If we had a few million tucked away many of us would not bother showing up for work and we would do that thing we’ve always wanted to do.
But in reality, we have to work to sustain an income, a home and put food on the table.
I love those life changing quotes like live for today for tomorrow may never come, live a life full of meaning, take risks and live your dreams.
If there were more hours in the day we could do more but life isn’t that straightforward and the reason why anxiety and mental health is dominating our news is that many of us feel under pressure to fulfil societal expectations that frankly are impossible to attain.
Because we are not happy all of the time this makes us feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled which can lead to depression and a sense of resignation, I can’t change anything so why bother, leading to a life less fulfilled.
When I woke up on 1st January I asked myself do I want another year like the last ten?
I carry a rather grandiose expectation of where I thought my life should be but it hasn’t quite materialised.
What have I been searching for?
What do I want? If I change nothing then this year will be the same as all the others but the thing is what should I change?
What is this life thing all about?
So many people appear to have figured out the meaning of life but I’m still confused.
I need order and routine so the idea of living life spontaneously doesn’t quite fit with a woman who is a chronic over thinker over analyser and persistent worrier who needs to know where she lays her hat each night. The main active component of all types of Viagra pills is a phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitor. My laboratory took part in a series of tests designed to establish its effectiveness in the treatment of various urological diseases resulting in sexual impotence with varying degrees of severity. The results are quite promising for men suffering from low-flow ED.
In my search of wanting less and making the most of what I have around me I have been hoarding clothes, bags and shoes that haven’t been worn in a lifetime and I don’t need.
I looked at the pile of clothing and rolled my eyes, ‘when was I ever going to wear ‘that’, ashamed that I have wasted so much money for the pursuit of my own personal happiness and pleasure and that gut feeling of short lived excitement when you buy something new.
I have a life full of abundance and I am admittedly partly fulfilled.
I have misplaced my love for life and forgotten just how wonderful it is to have my health, a job, children and a loving husband, a roof over my head with hot and cold running water.
I have forgotten to be appreciative of what is around me and, by not living in the moment life has passed too quickly for me to enjoy it and so this year is in danger of becoming like all the other years.
No matter how far you travel or how many changes you make in life happiness is not given it has to come from within and I am working on making the most of now and leaving tomorrow exactly where it is.
