I want to kick the COVID-19 butt.
This new mutation presence is ominous and threatening to spoil Christmas but not ruin it, I’m treading water.
Are you living life in limbo? Do you feel stuck?
Living in a state of limbo is the best way of describing how I have felt over the last twenty months.
That bit between heaven and hell, not quite perfect for heaven but not bad enough for hell.
Life is a blur with no clear distinction from one next phase of limbo to the next, and with an impending coronavirus look-alike looming, it is hard to be optimistic.
Weekend’s roll around no sooner as Friday rolls off the tongue, and it is a strange perpetual state of affairs and one I am at discord.
I want to move out of a phase of being stuck; at an awkward juncture cemented in a chapter.
Limbo up
And probably, like everyone else, unsure what happens next.
Life feels on pause sitting out the never-ending pandemic in a waiting room until normal service finally resumes, whenever that might be.
When you live in limbo, life is more abstract.
I have never been one to seize the day more like what will go wrong today.
That is my psyche and one that I work hard to change from negative to positive.
I hope that something better will happen rather than embracing what I have here and now.
Being in limbo is an emotional state; although I feel neutral about life, I am that person in the waiting room.
While I sit waiting for life to take on new meaning, I need to make the most of my time now.
Does it have something to do with a birthday edging me ever closer to the big 6 0?
What am I waiting for?
Move on with my life or, am I stuck in the same gear I’ve been in for the last seven years?
This requires a vast mind and body shift for a fifty-something woman.
I view life through my children’s eyes, excited for their future at the same time, fearful of what lies ahead.
Frustrated that I can’t have that time again, how would I change it?
What would I have done differently?
Stagnating in torpidity with no clear plans or inertia to propel me forward.
The last twenty months have seen events cancelled plans thwarted, and while I’m waiting, why don’t I get on with it?
Life, that is.
You see, while I wait in my metaphorical waiting room for ‘something to happen, the stars to align the seas to calm’, life is passing me by.
It doesn’t help that we are two weeks away from Christmas.
I paused this morning and stared out of the bedroom window; where did this year go?
My days are busy and they seem to pass swiftly?
As a youngster, I remember the days and weeks unfolding, the days seemed never-ending.
Spring forward to middle age, and days are in perpetual motion.
I know I speak for thousands of menopausal women who feel this enormous pressure to fulfil a dream without knowing their vision before 60.
And it is brutal because most of it is hormonal.
The ebb and flow, ups and downs are monumental and ultimately menopausal.
Familiarity stops us from moving forward as anxiety and sleeplessness take over.
How we work and hold down jobs, juggle households and husbands is a miracle for which we get very little recognition or acknowledgement.
Midlife should be a catalyst for better things, but I am bogged down in the mire that is menopause.
This state of paralysis is a waste of time and is enervating, but the body does what the mind tells it, and it holds me back from living and experiencing life.
While I’m waiting for the next best thing, I am determined to get on with it and stop wasting time wishing and hoping.
I know I am the change that needs to happen, accepting of my limitations but wistful at the thought of getting on with it.
2022 is my do or die year.
Nothing changes if nothing changes will be my incoming mantra.
What about you?
