Reactions to the various events and challenges that we face throughout our lives determine our character and makeup.
How we react depends on our resilience and coping mechanism.
Fighting life’s battles whatever gets thrown in our paths phrases how we manage future problems and much of that is down to relying on our gut instinct.
I had a number of work issues that challenged me over Christmas and into the early part of February.
I didn’t listen to my gut instinct when I should have done but in my defence, I was ill in bed with flu and it was a few days before Christmas so I can forgive myself for not firing on all cylinders.
This work problem became an event because it took over my life, my thinking, and sleeping and I wondered if my life was ever going to feel normal again.
Friday, 1st February was a turning point, this time I listened to my instincts and was able to communicate what I needed to say to the person who listened, empathised with my position, agreements were made and I was finally able to breathe and get on with life again.
In spite of my earlier post about living life in the moment, I allowed a problem to crowd everything else in my life and although the problem wasn’t created by me nor was it in any way my fault no matter how I rationalised it I couldn’t think straight.
This surprised me.
With help and support from my family, I found myself ground down.
It wasn’t life threatening but at the time it was sickeningly worrying.
I’ve always been resilient in the face of adversity and suddenly I found myself weak and unable to think clearly because of the worry and stress.
I looked out of the window and told myself what is the worst that can happen, which would never have happened, it still did not stop me from having irrational thoughts.
The situation I was in wasn’t of my own making but I felt bad.
The start of a new year, I must be a bad person, I thought because it always seems to happen to me.
All the bad luck was seemingly getting heaped on me in one fair swoop and it was an awful way to start the new year.
If I compare my situation to that of the pain and suffering of people having to stay alive in a war zone any problem pales into insignificance and yet when we are worried or frightened we can only think of our problems.
Maintaining perspective is hard and what right do I have to be upset and worried when there are people less well off than me.
Self-judgment is a character flaw and one we should not label ourselves with and I had done just that.
I realised that I had become the judge, the prisoner, and the executioner.
Wallowing in anger and frustration made me feel worthless, uncertainty and insecurity had weakened my resolve.
Fear had paralysed me and I worried about the future which was preventing me from living in the moment and enjoying life.
As I write this it makes sense but at the time I could not be logical or self-affirming.
Six weeks on and I have another problem to contend with, a badly injured left knee and unable to get around and do the fitness is frustrating.
Things happen I believe for a reason I just haven’t figured that one out yet.
Three weeks into the injury and I think this happened because I had to slow down.
I was manic, rushing around doing exercise, lots of work and everything else, then suddenly boom I am injured and everything stopped.
The injury feels like I am stuck in a thick fog unable to see where I am going feeling muddled, unfocused and with no idea where I am going.
But this is what I needed to make me stop and be still in the moment, to slow down and think about me instead of everyone else.
The moral of the tale is?
Slow down, be strong don’t be hard on yourself and appreciate what you have and remember you are good enough in spite of what might others tell you.