One day at a time, I’ll take one day at a time I told myself after recently undergoing an ACL reconstruction on my knee (anterior cruciate ligament repair).
I am now stuck between my home office chair and sofa with limited mobility and it is driving me crazy.
I have a compulsive active disorder, my made-up version of someone who finds it difficult to sit still for anything longer than is absolutely necessary unless I am sleeping on the beach.
Having to rest with one leg up and applying ice every couple of hours requires a big mind shift.
Adapting to having no expectations other than making sure the work side is up to date is proving difficult.
Slowing down? More like grinding to a halt!
I find it difficult to go slowly anywhere because I am always on the go, high on anxiety adrenalin that’s me.
Lying still with a leg up on a pile of cushions is not my idea of fun.
I have too much time on my hands too much time to think but at least it has given me the chance to do catch up on missed T.V.
And yet many of us, including myself, crave that slowness, some call it mindfulness or living in the moment.
I am the first to say that when I am busy, anxious and tense all I want to do is slow down, to breathe and take a brief respite from the rest of the world.
I now find myself in the very position I crave to be in when I am stressed out with life and feel ready to walk away from it all.
Ironic that when we want something we can’t have it and when we have it, we moan.
I am complaining because I would like to get back to some sense of normality, get back out there, be able to walk, get on my spin bike but I know I have to be patient and continue with my exercising and therapy and allow time to work its magic.
It has also been an interesting time. Although I have not been able to do a lot of stuff physically I have been trying to have a go at relaxing.
Relaxation doesn’t come easy for me I feel guilty for sitting down let alone being still.
But it is a nice feeling although I seem to be permanently tired taking one day at a time means that I don’t feel any obligation to look at the bigger picture or to worry about the future.
I have been far more involved with my children, especially my younger son who recently finished end of year exams and it was nice to sit with him and listen to him describing how it all went.
I have been really listening instead of asking the cursory questions because I am always preoccupied with work-related stuff.
This enforced time has its benefits, I have to go slow take one day at a time, take it easy and rest otherwise it hurts.
This time has forced me to take a breath and not to get too embroiled in work issues, doing the minimum I need to.
This enforced rest or time out has made me see that planning or worrying about any possible future is futile.
Being in the moment, listening to the family laughing and chatting has made me appreciate the value of family and the time we have together rather than worrying about some pressing issue that keeps me tied to the shackles of a desk because I feel I have no choice.
Shortly after the operation, I panicked, I was tearful and full of fear.
I can’t go to the gym, I worried that I would get fat and become weaker. And that it would be months before I could get back and do the things I want to do.
What I have learned is my focus has shifted to taking each day as it comes rather than worrying about the whole week and this has had a strange effect of making me feel calm and more centered.